So once upon a time you were friends...of mine. you, you, you, you and you. Good friends, great friends. Friends to swear by, friends to stand by. And I had great confidence in myself and you...all of you, that nothing will change, ever, if anything(/one) does that won't be either of us. And I basked in the glory of our friendship, let my spirits be high with love for you, filled my head with words you said, delayed my walks back home and so did you...all of you. And then this nothingness. And then this void. Would it help to take each of our friendships apart and see where it went wrong? Would it help even if we did find that precise point and talked at length about it? I did. You did. You did. You did. You did. We did. You and I did not. Not clearly. We didn't know. I didn't dare go back and dwell on the one moment that destroyed it all. But you and I were two parts of the same world. Or so I thought. You never did.
So that world where you and I belonged, has been closed by a door. And there's rust and a lock on it. And I wouldn't open it, not once more. I wouldn't try to match my footsteps with those in the dust, they won't fit anymore and I want them intact, at least in memory.
It's so darn easy to say so and so has had a heartbreak...like it's some fancy toy or a porcelain bowl a corner of which has chipped off, when in truth, hearts don't break, not for ever. But something dies. Gradually. Inside. And there's a huge load on your chest and a lump in your throat and defunct lip muscles. And there's no reason why you should wake up the next morning just as there's no reason why people should tell you to forget, when everyone knows darn well it isn't easy to forget when everyone is actually helping you remember, rather than forget. And then one day you do. You wake up and go about your ways and don't even realise that you haven't thought of him/her even once. Wow, you think, you've moved on. Moving on comes easy to girls -some one told me once. I wish you were true. It'll hurt baby, It'll ache. And I can't do anything to take it away and I won't try. Just let it be. Sometimes when you need to cry badly, for no apparent reasons, blame it all on this one quiescent pain. And cry.
So there, I've lost a friend, a friend, a friend, a friend and a best friend. Mustn't have been worth it? But I have you, and you, and you, you, you,you. Thank God for you.
p:s- erm...mush, crap.Whatever!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
I admit. It's my fault. I cross lines too easily, trust too easily, believe too easily that people will reciprocate my feelings, expect witha stupid conviction that they will try to understand me like I try to understand them. Serves me right! One doesn't have any right to stay this naive and stupid anymore. Time I grew up.