WHATEVER!! I break my promise, take back my words, whatever!
Some people are such pseudos. Such know-it-all megalomaniacs!! I detest them! And detest them more when I have to be all smiles and politeness incarnate while they indulge in endless braggadocio! ARGHHHHH!!
And I wanted to write about something I observed. Something really interesting. But that shan't happen now!
Raag dhore gelo!

I won't be proud anymore nor critical of others, I promise.

Another of my songs!

Bavra Mann Dekhne Chala Ek sapna.

Bavre Se Mann, Ki Dekho Bavri Hain Baatein
Bavri Se Dhadkaane Hain, Bavri Hain Saansen
Bavri Si Karwaton Se, Nindiya Door Bhaage
Bavre Se Nain Chaahe, Bavre Jharokhon Se, Bavre Nazaron Ko Takna.
Bavra Mann Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

Bavre Se Is Jahan Main Bavra Ek Saath Ho
Is Sayani Bheed Main Bas Haathon Mein Tera Haath Ho
Bavri Si Dhun Ho Koi, Bavra Ek Raag Ho
Bavre Se Pair Chahen, Baavron Tarano Ke, Bavre Se Bol Pe Thirakna.
Bavra Mann, Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

Bavra Sa Ho Andhera, Bavri Khamoshiyan
Thartharati Low Ho Maddham, Bavri Madhoshiyan
Bavra Ek Ghooghta Chahe, Haule Haule Bin Bataye, Bavre Se Mukhde Se Sarakana,
Bavra Mann, Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

Sohini, my true namesake and Bedtari, the brilliant critic tagged me. So here's my take on the alphabet.
A-Annie's song! It makes me come alive. Also 'A little sweet, a little sour'
B-Best. There's no need for an explanation.
C-Cry-baby. Tears flood my eyes at the slightest provocation. Childhood. I'm still living it.
D-Death. Dreams.
E-Endlessness. Eyes...something I obsess about.
F- Freedom from everything small and petty. Friendship!
G- Good in red...something I'd look forward to everytime the teacher returned the answer paper.
H- Honesty, my strength. Holden Caulfield. Hope.
I-Imagination.
J-Journey. Jorethang. JML-for the uninitiated, just my luck. JUDE. JUPC.
K-Kabir Durrani, the suitable boy. Koala.
L-Love.Anyday.Anywhere.Anytime.
M-Maa. Mind. Moon.Music.
N-Night.
O-Oishee, my 3 yr old niece.
P- Poetry. Plath.
Q-Questions! I ask a lot of them.
R-Reason. That's why I ask somany questions in the first place. Red, my colour. Rain.
S-Sohini...love my name and his too. Surrealism.
T-Tears.
U-University, my little universe.
V-Virus. Heh heh heh!!
W-Wanderlust!Writing.
X-Xerox and X-ray. I always wrongly substitute one for the other.
Y-Yay! :D
Z-Zenith.
I tag clouds, Honey, Basu, Sree and Anurima.
I had forgotten to write W. Freudian, you say?Thanks Sree.

I try impressing faces onto my memory, faces of strangers, somebody I select from the faceless crowd. I have a bad memory. I want to remember faces...when I close my eyes I want to be able to create a face in its perfection, in its perfect details. I fail, almost everytime I try.
On a completely different note, even pseudos love being with genuine people. Or do they feel inferior and hence intimidated? And if they don't feel intimidated does that mean they are not pseudos?

I had a flattering dream today morning.
Somebody I am very fond of told me "you are as beautiful as the last two days of a long vacation before my classes start again in early april when I happen to have my birthday as well".
I have never received such a BEAUTIFUL compliment!
I wish the person meant it!

There are so many fears!
Fears of losing,failing, falling, getting hurt,expecting,breaking down, or walking in a circular path.
I wish I were immune to all.

The breeze was beautiful, caressing my sore heat-dry skin. The night was young. Tiny drops of rain fell about me, making little dark spots on my red t-shirt and countless little diamonds on my bare skin which glistened in the plastic yellow light of the sentry-like lamp-posts lining the walk.
Music was melting into my blood and I wanted to fly (it would not have been an extra-ordinary feat for the wind to perform, given my negligible mass) and I wanted to spread my arms and feel the purifying water on my face purging all sense of guilt or sin away. Rain has always meant something very pure, something that has an exculpating effect and was I glad when I came to know that Eliot thought the same too!!
The moon does things to me. I suppose I could lie on my back and drink the tranquil, pristine moonlight for an eternity in which neither I shall rise nor the moon shall set. Storms do things to me. They set me free. I admire their outburst. A black cloud-laden sky and the first drops of rain! When I was young I took great pride in the fact that Rabindranath loved barsha and I did too.
Rain does things to me. Whether it's the sound of water droplets falling thick and fast on a tin-shed or a busy road, where for once some other sound rises above the honks and screeches of murderous vehicles, or the musical pitter-patter of raindrops on a water body or submitting myself to an almost abusive torrent of rainfall, I love it all. I love the wetnes in the grass, the moisture in the air, the resonance of a silent rain-song.
The only thing I dislike is the smell of wet earth, which many make much of, and which always makes me nauseous.
That's all folks!

Way back in school I used to write fictitious essays on ' a day when everything went wrong' and I would tax my brain to incorporate every possible 'wrong thing' that could possibly have occurred in that essay.

I will write a similar but realistic essay today. It won't be an essay because when so many wrongs happen in a day you aren't left with enough energy or enthusiasm or even the frame of mind to write an essay.

I am attempting to write this post because I need to vent my frustration. Yeah as simple as that!

1. I wake up not so late but manage to sprain my toe just before going out for the day. It didn't hurt much back then. Now it does!

2. Somehow my auto got one of its tyres punctured.

3. Had to read an abominably bad poem by a supposedly lesbian Victorian aunt-niece combo. I have no clue who wrote what!

4. Was too lazy to get my resume' printed in time.

5. Wasted 60 bucks on eight instant photographs where I look like a 'raagi goruchor'.

6. Cannot find the negative of the one photograph of mine that got selected. What's worse is that I know I'll find it as soon as everything gets over.

7. Got a severe blasting from a friend.

8.Am so sleepy that my eyes hurt. But I have to stay up and make my silly mind up.

Not everything is as bad though. Scored decent marks in two of the class tests that I wrote and was apprehensive of. PLEASE!! I need that negative!

At this moment, everything has gone haywire. I am trying to comprehend and stay indifferent.
Funny! Nothing actually has gone wrong. I think I get a kick out of being crazy.
tumhara intezaar hai, tum pukaar lo. Such a beautiful song!

I am not a good person.
Agree if you will, do not contradict.

I watched evening descend on the busy city. The orange sky turned purple and the tall streetlamps came to life. The reflections on the jheel became darker and graver. The shadows started growing taller and finally faded away into invisibility.
There couldn't be a better ending to a lovely day!

I'm alive. Walking straight. Laughing.
Like I wasn't supposed to!
Had fun today! Had a gloomy phase and a gloomy face.
People are falling in love. dhupdhap dhupdhap. Poor my friends, I always bump into them when I'm not supposed to.
There's insanity in the air. It makes me want to cry and dance and float in the air.
If it sounds incoherent, nothing doing. :-). Sometimes I love being rude.

Picnic was good. Great fun! So much so that I'm terribly tired. But happy.
My family's complete! And each one has a song. We shall contrive the complications soon.

I've had a haircut!
I'm looking good, I think. So says Mom. So says Dad. So says sis...but manages to quip in...this is too short!
I'm not looking good, I think. All my friends stared at me! Goggled at me! Gaped at me till I squirmed and they shouted 'why???', not in unison. One after the other.
One said you look like Tom Sawyer.
One said you look like a school kid. [sadly, I always do]
One said you look like a kukurchhana (puppy).
One said, in reply to the earlier mentioned, how could you be as rude as that?
One said, note that it is NOT 'how could you be as false as that'.
One said wow you have had a haircut! great!
One said this suits you best [ do not think the person mentioned is being nice. it is another way of saying you are a kid and this kid-style haircut suits you best]
One said ki je toder basona bujhhina (I cannot fathom your desires)
Okay!! Enough.
I have decided. I look good in this new, very short hairstyle of mine. Period!
Readers, if any, you better agree!
:-)